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How To Win Friends

.. idea openly. “You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.” Galileo Ideal number three states that if you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. “By fighting you never get enough, buy by yielding you get more than you expected.” If you are incorrect, say so. Point out your flaws in judgement and ridicule yourself harshly and relentlessly in front of the other person.

They will respond with warm regret and encouragement. They will tell you that your ideas were good and not to be so hard on yourself. Admitting you are wrong changes a harsh lecture into a speech of praise. Principle four aims at showing that one should begin arguments in a friendly way. If you come off as hostile, will not the opposition share your belligerence? As Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall”. Point five exemplifies the importance of initiating a positive attitude in the others mind. Get the individual to say “yes” immediately. Ask questions that lead to your point and will result in a positive “yes” response.

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If a person says”no”, all of his pride requires him to remain consistent. He may later feel that “no” was the wrong response, but he has his pride to consider. When a person says “yes”, his body remains open to ideas. There is physiological evidence that a persons body responds to a negative answer. He is not just speaking two letters, his body, muscles, glands, and attitude retreat into a state of rejection that is hard to overcome by persuasion. Always go with the Socratic method and ask gentle, positive questions. Rule five explains that one should listen to the others complaints and ideas. Ask few questions and do not interrupt.

Encourage them to express their ideas fully. Sometimes one may find the issue resolves itself without the active participation of both parties. Guideline seven deals with how to get cooperation. If you want to get a situation resolved, it is better to make suggestions and let to other person come to a conclusion. Make the other person feel the idea was his or hers.

As Carnegie says, “No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or being told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas.” Principle eight just re-emphasizes that one should try sympathetically and honestly to see things from the other persons point of view. Principle nine coincides with eight plus the suggestion of being sympathetic with the other persons ideas and desires. The magic phrase, according to Mr. Carnegie, that stops arguments, eliminates ill feeling, creates good will, and makes the other person listen attentively is: “I dont blame you one iota for feeling as you do.

If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.” Principle ten of how to win people to your way of thinking suggests that you appeal to nobler motives. Everyone has two reasons for doing things: the one that sounds good, and the real one. So, when explaining an idea to someone, appeal to a nobler purpose that will motivate him or her to cooperate with your concept. Ideal ten illustrates that you should make your ideas dramatic. Much like the television depicts certain detergents cleaning better compared to others or people having fun playing with a certain toy, one should convey the facts more vividly, more impressively, more interestingly, and more dramatically.

The last resort to get people to your way of thinking is to present a challenge. As Charles Schwab says: “The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money getting way, but in the desire to excel.” Every person loves a chance to prove himself, to show his worth, and to win. Doing this instills a feeling of importance. The fourth and final section demonstrates how to be a leader and change people without giving offense or resentment.

Segment one states that if you must find fault, begin your criticism with praise and honest appreciation. “Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.” Dale Carnegie Principle two explains how to criticize, and not be hated for it. This step is accomplished by calling attention to ones mistakes indirectly. Say, “This is a very good idea, but dont you think it would perhaps be better if we did it like this?” Drop subtle hints that will allow the other person to recognize their fault and they will want to correct it themselves. One must never yell and condemn.

Principle three says that one should criticize himself and state that he, too, makes many mistakes. He can then state the others faults without resentment. Ideal four states the simple fact that it is easier to get cooperation by asking questions instead of giving direct orders. Instead of saying “Do this!” or “Do that!”, say “You might want to consider this..” or “Do you think this would work?” This method gets a more positive response. Principle five tells how you should avoid embarrassing others and subjecting them to ridicule. Allow them to understand what they have done wrong and correct it for themselves.

Do not destroy them, even if you easily could. Let the other person save face. Point number six tells that you should: “Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Just as animal trainers give rewards for good behavior, humans should cheer each other on and incite everyone to blossom under encouragement. Principle seven on how to be a good leader explains that you should give each person a reputation to live up to. Most will not let you down.

“Give a person a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.” Principle eight states that if you want to help others improve, you should: “Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct”. The final section states that you should make the other person happy to fulfill the ideals you suggest. This can be accomplished through the Fundamental Techniques of Handling People.


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